Friday, 20 October 2017

I Haven't Always 'Got This Mama'

I see this on social media All. The.Time.

"You've got this mama"!

I mostly see it on Instagram in those perfectly filtered little squares, posted by someone who looks EXACTLY like she has indeed  'got this . Often accompanied by bunch of pretty peonies with a link to where you can buy them, naturally #AD

One post I read, was by a reasonably well known 'Mom Blogger' .

It was about how she will sometimes stop to connect with other 'Moms' when they look like they're having a bad time. Maybe their toddler is kicking off in the supermarket, or whilst they are out for lunch or something. She stops to look at the Mom, "really look at her" (which to me just sounds a little bit like staring.but there you go) Then she hugs the Mom and say's "You got this, You're doing a great job"!

No one has ever done this to me. Ever.

No one stopped me when my then toddler was mid meltdown in Starbucks, and I was trying to navigate a pram, overpriced coffee and a 3 year old out the door. One who has suddenly lost the ability to walk, talk or be reasoned with.

No-one ever hugged me and told me I 'got this' when my daughter was in a wheelchair and I couldn't get around the aisles of the local supermarket. Where I managed to knock a carton of cream out of someones basket and all over the floor. That lady didn't look like she wanted to stop and hug me, quite the opposite in fact.

No one came over to me in the park when I was watching my child take part in what appeared to be some sort of crips vs bloods showdown over the play equipment. No -one shouted over and said "Hey mama you got this"!

Because the truth is? Right there and then in those moments I hadn't 'got it' at all.

I wouldn't have wanted anyone 'really looking at me'

I wouldn't feel comfortable with any awkward hugging or motivational speaking from a complete stranger.

Do you know what I'd have liked? Just 'The look'

You know the one I mean, It's done in that very British way of firstly completely ignoring the other Mum so they don't think that you're judging them. Then you panic that this looks exactly like your judging so you spend the next few minutes desperately trying to catch their eye.

And when you do? You give 'the look'. That small smile and sympathetic eye that says "We've all been there" nothing more needs to be said, nothing more needs to be done.

Because I don't always feel like I'm doing a 'great job'. I don't always feel like I make the right decisions, taking a wheelchair out in the pissing rain food shopping, and visiting the play park after a busy day hyped up on Haribo should of taught me that.

And that's normal right? It's normal to not always go around patting yourself on the back on the wonderful job you're doing at work, life and parenting.

If you do? Well as my wise Nana once said "The problem with pedestals is they can be too easy to fall from"

I don't always feel like I got this.
I don't always feel like I'm doing a great job.
Sometimes it feels like everyone is doing a better job than me, and there's actually a secret 'proper Mum club' I haven't yet gained entry too.

And that's OK.

It's OK to not always 'Got this Mama'

And if I see you? And you're having a moment when you haven't  got this either? I'll give you the look, I'll pass you the cup that's rolled on the floor in the cafe, hold the door open in Starbucks.
Definitely not push past you in the supermarket or judge you for having a kid that's involved in a zip wire stand off in the play area.

Like I said, we've all been there.

Rachel x

Is it just me or am I just showing my age because when I hear the word "Mama" this is what I see.

OK, so I'm definitely showing my age.