Wednesday, 22 June 2016

You know you were a teenager in the 90's when.....

1. Friday nights were spent watching TFI Friday before you went out, or Friends if you were staying in.

2. Saturday mornings were all about kids T.V especially Live and Kicking and before that Going Live! You remember wondering if Philip Schofield had a thing for Sarah Greene and now wonder the same about Holly Whilloughby.

Oh Phil, you sly fox.

3.Sundays were mainly spent lying in bed watching the Hollyoaks omnibus or Dawsons Creek.
You always had a bit of a thing for Pacey (still do) and thought Dawson was an annoying twat (still do) but who would have thought that lovely girl who played Joey would one day marry Tom Cruise?

4. You liked Oasis or Blur but never both. Same goes for Take That or East 17.

5. You actually looked forward to watching The Brit awards as it was good and something always kicked off.

6. You could rap along word perfect to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and actually still can.

All together no "In West Philadelphia born and raised...."

7. When you went out clubbing with your mates you danced along to Tori Amos 'Gotta be Big' and 'Born Slippy' by Underworld. You didn't really know all the words but you owned that chorus!

8. You drank Bacardi breezers or Smirnoff Ice and thought you were the height of sophistication.
(even though they always gave you a funny aftertaste)

9. Perfume was CK One, Exclamation or The Body Shop White Musk/Dewberry. If you haven't sprayed so much that you're physically choking on it they you need more.

"Make a statement without saying a word" Go on admit you just sang that!

10. You watch Dangerous Minds 107 times and vow that one day you too will be a cool, inspirational kick ass teacher in a school with an obviously worrying Ofsted report. You'll wear check shirts, leather jackets and break up gang fights. All the while managing to look glamourous, menacing and smart. A bit like this..

Nailed it.

11. You were genuinely invested in the Ross and Rachel storyline in Friends, and cry when he cheats on her

No you weren't Ross you complete tosser!

12. Your Mum would only let you ring your mates or your boyfriend after 6 pm when it was cheaper, and if you didn't then she could put a lock on the phone.

Coming home and seeing this? You knew you were in trouble..

13. A fiver could get you the bus fare into town, buy you a McDonals lunch and a heavily scented lipbalm.

14. If your lipstick wasn't Rimmels Heather Shimmer I bet it was Coffee Shimmer? Lips were always lined with a lipliner from The BodyShop.

Basically if you had this look in the 90's? You were winning at life

15. If you were staying in on a Saturday night then you'd probably watch Gladiators, Lois and Clark:The New Adventures of Superman and Baywatch. You'd dream about being a lifeguard in California, and going to work in a swimsuit. If teaching at Coolios Gangsta Paradise school doesn't work out for you that is.

16. Hair was 'The Rachel' or a perm. If you weren't allowed layers OR a perm then you'd scrunch your hair with mousse and hair gel so it went rock hard, fringes were backcombed. You owned several scrunchies and used Wellas Toners and Shaders to colour your hair,and later? Sun-In which is a big mistake!

Thanks for proving my Mum right and ruining my hair for several years

17. You rock the All Saint look. You wear oversized cargo pants, a strappy vest top, and if your bra straps on show then that's totally fine especially if they are a bright colour you rebel. Kitten heels and a choker so tight your Dad worries it will strangle you? completes the look.

18. If you have a boyfriend he will wear a checked shirt like Oasis, and have a floppy curtain style haircut, like David Beckham.

19. The only jeans you wore were Bootcut style.

20. And the only watch worth having was a Baby G.

One in every colour please!

21. Davina McCall made you feel dizzy watching her bounce and run around on Streetmate.

22. You're shocked when Louise leaves Eternal but then Robbie leaves Take That and Geri leaves The Spice Girls...

23. You are genuinely a bit worried about Y2K. Your Dads mates in the pub tell you all the computers are all going to crash so you could get a loan out and never pay it back. You don't believe them though, nope, not one bit.

Happy 2000! Can you please repay the £500 overdaft you spent in TopShop and Warehouse. Thanks, The Bank.

24. You thought Joey Lawrence was going to be one of the biggest pop stars of all time!

Yup, still a bit shocked about that one to be honest...

25. You always secretly thought Rose was a bit of a bitch for not helping Jack get on that door but keep it to yourself for fear of being a social pariah.....

Could of easily moved up a bit to let him on

The 90's were pretty awesome, Sun In aside.

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

The 7 rules of Facebook...

So my Mum has a new phone, Yes Liz has finally given in and decided to upgrade from the quite frankly prehistoric Tesco PAYG mobile to a rather snazzy Samsung S3, oh and when I say upgrade I mean that she found my old one lying around when she was snooping  putting the washing away.
She's downloaded Candy Crush, SnapChat WTF? and Facebook.
In the past she only used Facebook once in a blue moon, to check if she looks younger than her old schoolfriends, but now? Now Liz has an app! There is no knowing what she may do, what she might come out with, and quite frankly I'm concerned. So to help her navigate her way through I've given her the lowdown on the 7 rules of Facebook.....

1. Do not be the Facebook friend who always post pictures of EVERY.SINGLE.MEAL

Don't get me wrong I get that every now and then we all have a meal out, or we might cook something that blows our bloody socks off and that is worthy of a picture for sure! Hey I've done that myself. But no-one wants to see pictures of your lunchtime sarnies, your Maccies or your sausage, mash and congealed gravy that looks like something from a bad takeaway menu, no-one, and certainly not EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

2. Do not be the 'Facebook Hun' 

We all have this person on our newsfeed don't we?
"Facebook hun is feeling sad" *Insert crying emoji or sad emoji*

Facebook hun's friends are all "Aww what's up hun" "Is everything ok hun"
Facebook hun can't say over Facebook apparently, she'll inbox you but just wants to express her feeling through emojis on her status. 
F*** off facebook hun.

F*** off Facebook hun..

3. Don't be the tagger

Do not be the one on the newsfeed that has nothing to offer, nothing to contribute except to tag themselves into each and every wonderful thing they're doing, all day, every day,
Sally** s at the Gym feeling 'pumped'
Sally is having a post workout drink at a smoothie bar feeling 'refreshed'
Sally is having steak at an impressive steak house  feeling 'full'
Sally is in her warm cosy bed...

Oh bore off Sally ZZZZZZZZ

4. If you think something is aimed at you, it is.

Following on from Facebook hun is the Facebooker who likes to throw thinly veiled insults but they don't actually have the guts to say it to your face, or tag you in it. 
Instead they post passive aggressive quotes, pictures and statuses to get their point across, and as stated above if you think its aimed at you? It probably is.
We've all done it at some point lets be honest, but life is too short for this shit, so if someones hurt you, done something to annoy you, let you down, then call them on it, talk to them, ask them, please don't do this:

Seriously, don't unless your going to tag your best friend in it and we can all watch this shizz go down.

5. Don't Facebook stalk

Ha! Who am I kidding this is what Facebook was made for! Let's all own up here for a second everyone has Facebooked stalked an ex, an old friend, an ex's new girlfriend or an old college room mate. I've done at least one of these (but not saying which) We all have and if you say you haven't I'm calling bullshit, sorry.
It's natural to be nosy BUT do not accidentally hit the friend request button, do not accidentally 'like' or 'share' one of their bloody pictures, and most importantly do not Facebook stalk when drunk, as all of the above will no doubt happen and it becomes totally awkward and you have to block them, or move countries


6. Do not be the lurker

Do not be the friend on facebook that adds everyone but never likes, never shares, never posts but despite this, knows every single thing everybody else is doing. It's creepy sorry!

7. Post pictures or videos of puppies, kittens and babies just being ridiculously cute.

Everyone loves those, even miserable cows like me

Yes that is Tom Hardy looking beautiful, and a  cute little dog, You're welcome.

Rach x

*Mum doesn't think Mrs D would want to be named on my blog
** Sally is a fictional character and not an actual person on my friends list (shit better check friends list to be sure)