Dear Me aged 17 and 3/4

Hiya,

How's it going?

If you are reading this at 6.05pm on a Tuesday then I know I've interrupted Heartbreak High on BBC2 , I'm sorry! I was going to call but I know you unplug the phone so you aren't disturbed. Feel free to put this letter down and read it some other time, I just thought it would be nice to say hello to you from the Future.
You are now 36 years old and I'm sure to a 17 year old 36 sounds really old doesn't it? but it isn't. I honestly don't feel much different than you do now, the reflection may have changed a bit though. Yes I totally stole that line from the old lady in Titanic.

For instance you still love the Stone Roses, you still enjoy a wander around W.H.Smith in town to buy a new book. You're still sensitive, always think your right, and your mouth STILL gets you into trouble. I think it's best you just accept now that it's never going to change. However Heartbreak High is no longer your favourite TV show, you no longer wear an asthma inducing amount of CK One, nor wear Rimmels Heather Shimmer lipstick. Oh and you still can't drive, but don't worry the hedge in the village you drove through on your driving lesson? It did grow back OK, well it did eventually.
The main thing is,and I'm just going to come out and say it.......

Rachel you don't become an actress and marry Leonardo DiCaprio.

Sorry.

At 17 you probably think that being 36 brings with it a certain level of maturity, you know like throwing dinner parties, wearing sensible shoes, having pensions and generally just having all your shit together. Well at 36 yes you do have dinner parties of a fashion. I mean you have a kid now, your friends they all have kids now too so it's not so much an elegant little affair with candles and cocktails, It's more necking wine, eating, chatting, laughing and ignoring the fact that the kids are trampling crisps into the carpet upstairs.
However you still don't know what you want to be when you grow up, you still have an obsession with Spike from Buffy (is it the long leather coat perhaps)  You do have a pension but listen Mum was definitely lying when she says those ridiculous high heels you wear will give you bunions, they don't! She was just bitter about her's so carry on.
One warning though - if someone tells you to run quickly over a cobbled street in six inch wedges when you're pissed, DON'T! Your ankle will never be the same.

I really miss your innocence  though, the way you always saw the positive side to things, so carefree and laid back. I hate to say it but you are nothing like that now.The thing is certain things will happen that are completely and utterly out of your control, and they will somewhat chip away at those qualities. I wish I could tell you it won't hurt Rachel, that it won't be hard and it won't change a part of you forever but it does and I'm sorry. These things will also make you strong though, stronger than you or anybody else ever thought possible.
So Rachel I am writing this letter to you to give you some advice, some serious, some not so much.
I am sure as the stubborn, know it all that you are that you will ignore a lot of them, but if you could have a read and at least take some things on board I am of no doubt that some day, may be of help to you.

1. Stop plucking your eyebrows and dying your hair blonde with Sun-In. Seriously stop it NOW! 
No-one believes that overnight you went from a brunette with slugs across her forehead, to a platinum blonde who looks like she pencils her brows on. Styling yourself on Annaliese from Neighbours* is not a good idea. Mum is right your eyebrows never look the same and your hair really does take years to recover!

See a totally natural transformation which happened almost overnight......

2. Do not drink Drambuie at the Sixth form Christmas Party, you don't impress anyone by doing it you make yourself look like a complete tit, and yes everybody does talk about you behind your back.
And who the hell let you wear floor length sequins to a sixth form party?

Yuck the smell of Drambuie still makes you feel queasy 20 years later.

3. Don't put things off because you are scared of leaving your comfort zone, just go for it. You may hate it (Like when you tried going Veggie for one month) You may be crap at it (like driving) you may even make a massive fool of yourself ( LIPA audition) but you also may find it's something you are good at and and enjoy.
It's better to of tried and failed than never tried at all. 

4. Which brings me to LIPA. Do not lie on the application form about singing to a professional level just be honest. Don't be embarrassed to tell people either or show them how excited you are either, it is a big deal and you should be proud of it.
If you do insist on lying on the application form though, may I suggest some practice beforehand? No you really can't just get through it by belting out "There are Worse things I could do" from Grease with a smile and a Wonderbra. Don't let that put you off though, keep trying you will regret it otherwise.

5. Trying to end a relationship by ignoring phone calls and acting like a complete bitch, in the hope he'll do it for you is not the way to go about it. Please do it with kindness, he deserves it.

One day in the future karma will come back and bite you on the ass, big time.

6. This is very important. You know you have a bad feeling about the owner of that modelling agency in Manchester? Trust that feeling and leave, straight away.
In fact always always trust your gut instinct believe me when I say it hasn't been wrong yet.

7. Stop being so horrible to Mum because you have to move. Stop shouting at her, crying and refusing to speak to her, she really isn't doing it to ruin your life. It is hard for her too.
Be supportive, help her pack, have a cry together. She works so hard and it's not her fault, please appreciate her one day she'll be your best friend,

8. Take That get back together, and split up again. And get back together and then Robbie comes back and then leaves, again. By 2016 you're over it all to be honest. Oh and Gary is the hot one, seriously.

9. Stop worrying about your flat chest, ignore the pancake jokes because you boobs? They get bigger, much bigger without the need for a stupid boob job either. By 2016 your rack is quite simply magnificent, I'm not even ashamed to say it.

10. When you get your student loan do not do the following things with it:

• Waste it in Topshop and Warehouse - no that Chinese print dress will not be a 'classic' you'll wear forever, and you spill black ink all over the beige leather coat.
• Do not spend it on a hotel for a few nights because the heating and hot water went off in your student house.
• Do not spend it on black cabs instead of buses - you are very unlikely to be murdered on the bus in broad daylight.
•  Do not put your weekly foodshop on your M&S Chargecard - that doesn't class as an emergency and it take you years to pay off.

Maybe spend the money on you know rent, food, actual books for studying.

11. University - This is a hard one, on one hand I want you to stay, don't quit because you're homesick (in Liverpool ffs) just move home it isn't a big deal! And you will always, always, always regret not finishing your course. However by coming home you get to spend lots more time with your family than you have done in a long time, which is very very important.
There is no answer here I'll have to let you figure that one out for yourself.

12. You will get your heartbroken and it will hurt, it will hurt a lot. Have dignity, don't beg. You are worth more than that, always.
You will get over it and it actually makes you a better person - makes you realise a few things about yourself too. You do forgive and forget (no really) and move on.

13. That lad that you think is too quiet? Too nice and well, blonde? You know the one I mean? He thinks you're a cocky, gobby, well spoken hamster? Go on a date with him you might actually like him, never know he could turn out to be your soul mate :)

14. Do not lend out your only copy of your wedding video this  is very important! You forget who you lent it to and you won't get it back. If you do then at least make copies first! 

15. There is a weekend when you are almost 5 months pregnant and Dad rings you to invite you go somewhere, and you don't. PLEASE GO. I can not reiterate this enough GO. Hug him hard, tell him how much you love him, remember every single detail, 

16. Don't hold in your feelings, cry please just cry and cry lots. It won't hurt the baby and it causes you far greater damage in other ways further down the line.

17. Childbirth does hurt, Bloody liars.

18. DO NOT sell those matchbox cars for 2p and 5p at the car boot when you're a teenager!There is a reason the man gives you a £1 and tells you to keep the change and he wasn't doing it because he was nice. Git, you're still bitter about this 20 years later.

19. Give up Dairy sooner. You won't believe how much better you will feel!

20. Record Heartbreak High, you can't find the DVD's years later and it gets a bit awkward when your husband wants to know who's been googling Drazic on YouTube.

21. Invent YouTube.


So there we have it Rachel, a few words of wisdom that may help you to navigte the next 20 years. You know what even if you choose to ignore every single bit of advice given,  you still make it through OK

I really would try to invent YouTube though.

Rachel, 

Aged 36 and 3/4 

x

*Actual Annaliese from Neighbours. I didn't copy her wardrobe, but I did own this top.

How Instagram and I became friends...

I used to hate going on Instagram in the same way I used to hate going on Pinterest, because afterwards I'd just feel a little bit crap about myself, like a drunken kiss in a bar with someone you really shouldn't of but did it anyway.
I would spend far too long on the boards of Pinterest looking at the pictures of delicate pastel coloured cupcakes, and vibrant homemade playdough a Mum had just whipped up for an after school treat. I'd take one look at my offerings and feel depressed, why couldn't I be like the perfect Pinterest Mum? I've only got one kid for gods sake it should be easy.
Can I just add here that Mr O is totally the Pinterest Dad, he makes stuff out of pallets and everything. When we got rid of our last washing machine I found him turning the drum into a fire pit, but then he'll do anything to avoid paying out for new garden furniture.
Actually it's the home decor boards on Pinterest in particular that made me want to burn our house to the ground, there are pictures of houses where bunting and strings of fairy lights adorn the bed, they have bedside tables sourced from drift wood and vases of fresh flowers in every room. Well if we were to have flowers in every room the cat would simply knock them over; because she steadfastly refuses to use a door always has. Instead she insists on entering and exiting a room via a window not upstairs I hasten to add, although she did try it once and my screams alerted the neighbours as I wrestled her back in with a dressing gown.
No, the cat has knocked over so many vases of flowers in the past 11 years that it is just not worth it. We have 1 jug of flowers on the kitchen table if I've bothered to pick them up in Aldi.  Mark has got me them, however bunting and lights across the headboard? Now this we've tried and it did look rather lovely. One night I managed to get my arm tangled up in them whilst trying to retrieve the TV remote from the back of the bed, and I got in such a temper they were swiftly and quietly removed never to be spoke of again.There was so much cursing and headboard banging during that incident I did wonder what the neighbours thought. Oh and driftwood sourced bedside tables?Nope just good old Ikea.

Instagram made me feel the same way at first, I remember first logging on and oh my eyes.
So many pretty pictures of so many exciting places! And selfies of people; peoples pouts, peoples boobs, peoples bums. Mum's with pretty babies all of whom are well dressed and have bows in their neat hair, all such stylish pictures that wouldn't look out of place in a magazine.
I think if I had ever attempted to take a picture of Seren for Instagram when she was little she'd of been chewing the bow not wearing it, and it was impossible to even to get her to sit still for a photograph, never mind get one of her sniffing a Buttercup whilst a butterfly rested on her eyebrow.
The food pictures in particular would make my mouth water, certainly no pictures of kids eating fish fingers, chips and beans on Instagram! Not unless they are organic cuts of fish dusted in homemade breadcrumbs of course, with a ramekin dish of ketchup alongside it and not a bottle of Aldis own.
I think It's fair to say that I was pretty awkward and niave in my early Instagram postings. As in hello here is a picture of my chips with too much salt on! Totally hilarious right! Right? Well I thought it was funny. I also didn't realise you are meant to hashtag your ass off. What I should have put with that picture of chips and salt is #salt #chips #toomuch #humpchipday or something along those lines (I'm still not entirely sure what a #humpday is or if I will use it in the right context so I've so far steadfastly avoided using it at all)
I honestly think when I first discovered them I would go on Instagram and Pinterest for a good dose of self loathing. A pity party for one as I scrolled past all those fabulous pictures muttering to myself and eating biscuits pot noodles. Now it's not to say my life isn't pretty great, it is for the most part. There are of course times where it's not and if you follow me on facebook you'll know I'm pretty honest about that. However Instagram (and when I say Instagram I mean its users obviously)  manage to take pictures of ordinary things and made them look utterly fabulous, that isn't just a picture of #ootd (thats outfit of the day by the way) it's a lifestyle, and it's a lifestyle that some people aspire to. Hell it was a lifestyle I wanted to aspire to. I want those bedside tables, that #ootd, those bloody delicate little cupcakes. I just don't think I 'got' Instagram or Pinterest to be honest or at least  I wasn't looking at it in the way I do now..

It's OK me and Instagram are cool now

I starting reading up about something in particular around October last year, I won't bore with what and why for now anyway, but in doing this I stumbled across blogs on this particular subject and they were a big help. Some were funny, some were informative and some were quite sad but they were a great source of information, comfort and advice. From there I started looking at other blogs, and vlogs and I became addicted. I mainly read Mum bloggers/vloggers and from all over the world. I loved them I was genuinely intrigued by what they were wearing, where they were going and what they ate, what funny thing their babies did, just general day to day stuff really..
Some of the blogs literally went like this:

Hello!
This is what I'm wearing today: lists everything from socks to scarf.
Where we are going:
What we are eating.
Here is my shopping list
Here is what I bought (my particular favourite as I am so nosy)
It had me hooked. 

These people are making money, in some cases huge amounts of money from this and you know what? Good on them. I loved having a glimpse into their lives.
Then I started following these bloggers on Instagram and I realised what it was all about.You see actually I didn't want to see pictures of babies with cereal all over their clothes, picking their noses. No, I wanted to see the cute pictures especially if there is a Buttercup and butterfly in the mix.
I don't want to see sausage, mash and gravy on a plate I can see that at home. I want to see artfully crafted artisan bread and salads the colour of the rainbow. I want to look at the #ootd and lust after it because you know what? I have real life at home, I want escapism.
Once I started looking at it like this Instagram became a whole lot more fun, and now I love it! I love how people from all over the world can connect with each other instantly over one snapshot. Nowadays I hashtag, I put up the odd life affirming quote and I even filter! I am yet to #ootd because it's M&S,Primark or M&S,H&M- it wouldn't be very exciting and I have come to realise that actually no-one will want to see a picture of me cleaning the oven in Marks jumper and my Harry Potter P.J bottoms because, well lets face it no-one wants to see that.
Oh and Pintrest and I? Well our relationship is still ongoing, we have that uneasy alliance where we know what we need from each other. It's an un trusting one but we'll get there.

Shortly after I discovered the world of Mum bloggers I started thinking about starting my own. I did have a blog in 2010 'Mrs O' I am so original with my blog titles right? 
To be honest it was more like an online diary but it was fun to read over them and see what's changed. I still like wine, chocolate and reality TV so it turns out not much has changed.

The only thing that worried me about starting it was; has it all been said and done before? Another Mum who blogs it certainly isn't a new concept, there are literally millions of us out there and more popping up every day. However the simple fact is I needed something to focus on, something that made me feel excited about and could throw myself into everyday. I pressed publish and that was it.
I had no idea what to expect, what the response would be, and as someone who makes Monica from Friends looked chilled, I was worried. You are bound to get both ends of the spectrum when you put your life on the Internet.
My life is by no means as glamorous, interesting or well edited as some of the blogs out there, I have said it before and I'll say it again but it really isn't. I am mainly dressed in Primark not Joules, I don't have anything of any great intellectual importance to say really, it's definitely not a journey of self discovery. It is just my musings/mutterings/rants on life. I mean my next blog is about clicky hips - yes that's right clicky hips. Someone asked me about it and it will include many pictures of Seren as a baby, and who doesn't love a baby picture!But with my new friend Instagram blogging has given me a new hobby, a focus that I needed and well mainly the opportunity to talk a lot, as you all know I do love a natter.

After that who knows? Tomorrow I might decide to be a lion tamer, because you know, I like cats.

Rachel x

A few of my favourite things!

After writing about some of the disasters we've encountered on our holidays, and discussing all of those things that irritate me , I thought it might be a nice change to have a look at some of the little things that make me happy!

It goes without saying of course but my family and my friends make me incredibly happy Especially the little person that brings so much joy (and a lot of grey hairs) to Mr O and I, S. I don't think I ever believed before she came along how much love you can have for another human being, she is everything I wished I could of been when I was younger. 
She knows exactly who she is and always has done, she is true to herself and follows her own path. She is honest, proper laugh out loud funny and has true empathy for others. She is incredibly imaginative, always thinking outside the box and loves her family dearly. She is also sensitive and can struggle socially at times which is a constant source of angst for me, but she is strong and I'm so so proud of her. 
She does however have her mothers loud mouth and fiery temperament so it really is no wonder poor Mr O has no hair. So apart from the obvious what else makes me happy? Below are a few of my all time favourite things to do. What are yours?

1. Family movie night. We pick a random night of the week choose a film, have a table stacked full of snacks and Swill sometimes make us cinema tickets too, I love it. (Especially as you can pause and rewind should someone decide their snack of choice is of the noisy variety) Of course there are times where we can't decide on a film or the film is rubbish, and the dog will get in and eat the snacks so Swill scream at the dog and everything will descend into chaos, we aren't the The Walton's but I do love our family movie nights.

2  Books. One of my favourite things to do in the entire world once I've dropped S off at school is get the bus into town and go to W H Smiths. There I will spend an indulgent amount of time choosing a book and then sit in Costa and read it. I love the smell of a new book, I love the anticipation of reading it and if it's a particularly good book I won't go to bed until I've finished it, seriously. If I somehow can't get out then I love ordering books on Amazon and get really excited about getting them in the post.I do have a kindle which was meant to save on book space, the problem is that if it's a book I've really enjoyed than I physically need to own a copy! Seriously!
I also love going into second hand bookshops too there is something about the smell of them, whenever we go on a day out I have to go in every single one we come across.
(Random fact about me I was once tested and can apparently read 782 words per minute which is apparently 210% faster than the national average.And which is probably why I get through so many books)

3. Going to the cinema. There are certain films that just have to be seen on a big screen, I especially love the trailers and I am genuinely upset if we miss them! I am a massive geek with certain film franchises too and I have to go and see them as soon as they come out.

4. Funny cat videos. No really. I can waste far too much time watching cats jump out of boxes or climb curtains on YouTube, I honestly find them really funny.

5. Throwing a party. I LOVE to throw a party! Small party with friends, nibbles and  a lot of wine, or a big 40 plus kids party. I love a theme and spend too much time on Pinterest weeping at how inadequate I am and stealing ideas. I once stayed up until the early hours soaking 40 children's party invites in tea and burning the edges with a lighter to make them look like old maps.
One of my favourite times of year is Halloween/Bonfire night/Christmas Lots of good food, being wrapped up outside with the fire going and a great excuse to decorate the house and garden.

6. 6.05pm on a Monday night. Monday mornings in our house are dreaded, it's a really early start for everyone as I have to be in work super early. Most days S is an early riser, except Mondays of course when she wants to lie in. It's always a rush, it always ends in someone shouting and crying, usually me! And I feel like I've completed the Maze Runner before I even start work. But after a long day the smile on her face as I get the car after work at 6.05pm is priceless and I look forward to it all day.

7. YouTube parties for one. Sometimes when I'm in the house on my own I like to watch YouTube music videos in the kitchen and sing/dance along. I'll think I'm pretty awesome until I catch sight of myself in the fridge.

8. Getting into a freshly made bed with the smell of clean sheets,lovely stuff.

9. Going for walk especially when its fresh and crisp outside and taking in the amazing views where we live. If its a Sunday afternoon then a tipple in the pub on the way home finishes it off nicely.

10. Comedy. I love laughing, Although it's worth noting no that I hate my laugh! A) Because I really hate my teeth, like have a serious phobia over them which is why I pout so much in photos and B) because I apparently have a filthy laugh.
TV comedy especially such as The Inbetweener's, Bottom, Alan Pattridge, Phoenix Nights, The Office, Gavin and Stacey and Fawlty Towers they all make me proper laugh out loud laugh and I never get fed up of re-watching them.

11. Planes. I am terrified of flying and spend the entire flight just waiting for turbulence. I just hate it BUT I am oddly fascinated with planes and how they work. They fly quite low above our house especially at night and I like watching them and tracking them on flight tracker to see where they are going/where they have been. I'll also watch videos of them landing in storms, wind etc.
Don't worry I'm judging myself right now too.....

12. Reading the paper with a cup of coffee I know you can do it online but it just doesn't feel the same. The only time I do that is when it's a particularly funny/Daily mail sadface article and then I have to go on to read the comments.

13. Conspiracy theories I love a good conspiracy theory. Crazier the better!

14. Watching my favourite TV show with a glass of wine and crisps = happy place

15. Having a 'who'll blink first' competition with the cat.

16. Holidays. I love the feel of the warm air on my face as I step off the plane, waking up on the first day with the excitement of knowing you are on holiday. Swimming in the sea, walking along the beach and just being together.

17. Really hot bubble baths, with a glass on wine and watching crap TV on the tablet. If Mr O is reading this I don't mean the tablet that you always warn me not to take in the bath as it's an accident waiting to happen, I mean a book honestly....

18. Friday nights when it's our weekend off! And tonight is Friday night, and it's our weekend off! Whoo hoo!

Rachel x