15 things that are guaranteed to piss me off.

I tried to come up with a wittier, slightly more sophisticated title but lets be honest 'Things that are guaranteed to piss me off'" sums it up pretty well.


1. Basic manners: A teacher once said to me that manners cost nothing, they are free. It's true, nothing pisses me off more than a lack of basic manners. I always say please and I always say thankyou, if you ever see me lacking in doing so then feel free to deliver a small sharp kick to the shin. I am the first to call little Miss O on it if she forgets too - not with a small sharp kick to the shin though obviously. It's not just a please and a thankyou either, it's acknowledging someone as well. I try to always say hi and smile and it genuinely irritates me when someone doesn't reciprocate at all. It takes nothing to be kind, and means everything.

If you ever want to witness a lack of basic human manners then do call into any major high street retailer on a Saturday afternoon.

2. Women who have bells on their purses. If I'm standing in the local shop and I hear them I fall into a blind panic because I think the cat has followed me up there. I know it's meant as a safety measure and alert them to thieves, but honestly? half the women I've ever come across that have them can never find the bloody purse in their handbag anyway, bells or no bells. So the purse snatcher would have no chance!

3.People who don't pick up their dog poo. It's simply disgusting, It isn't anybody else's responsibility to do and it really only takes 2 seconds of your time.
Nobody wants what has fallen out of your dogs arse on their shoes. If you do this? Then you are a twat. I feel I have to walk around brandishing my own dogs poo in a bag as some sort of trophy!

4. People who automatically assume that if you have a dog, you don't pick up dog poo because some selfish dog owners do not. You also irritate me, lots!

5. Olives. I hate them. They are the most pointless, disgusting things. They do not look sophisticated in a martini either you just look like a toddler has walked past and dropped a grape in it.

6. Loud parenting. When you're in Sainsburys or Aldi, and there is sometimes a Mum, or Dad and they have little Timmy and George with them doing the weekly shopping (Yes I did just steal the names from the Famous Five) and that's lovely, then you hear this:

"No darling you can't have that it has far too much sugar and we don't have sugar in our house do we! Wouldn't you prefer the QUINOA, Can you spell QUINOA George?" before poor George has chance to answer the conversation continues
 "Of course you can! Because you are already reading aren't you darling yes READING clever boy" George is aged 2 by the way, at the most. He is also desperately trying to rip open the packet of snickers he's smuggled into the trolley with his teeth....

7. People who moan about the Government, about the state of the country but don't vote. Yes Mother I'm looking at you.

8. When you are standing in the co-operative buying something wine and there is one person in front of you and you think YES I can get in and out quick, and then? Then they bring out a wad of lottery tickets to check. Why?Why!

9. People who eat crisps or 'loud food' in the cinema! I will actively seek you out and...well tut very loudly because I also hate people talking in the cinema even during the trailers because I LOVE going and enjoy every part of it Things that are guaranteed to drive me insane during a film are:

Eating nachos. Too noisy if you insist on eating crisps pick skips!

Slurping your drink.

Whispering loudly
Rummaging in your popcorn.

Texting - I can see the light you know it's distracting.
Loud kissing. What's the point wasting money to watch the film? Stay in the car!
Bringing a carrier bag in. Why? What could possibly be the need? At least hide your quiet  stash of food in a rucksack or handbag.

People who walk past you to go to the loo loudly exclaiming "sorry" "won't be a tic" I know your being polite but SHUT UP! 

Actually I am know to be a bit prissy during a film, During Twilight New Moon I had to tell off the girls in front for screaming every time Jacob or Edward came on screen. They giggled and carried on doing it so I told a member of staff and they spent the rest of film, glaring back at me and flicking their hair. Mr O spent it muttering about never going with me again, but that may just have been about the Twilight franchise to be honest.

10. People who don't like animals or have no empathy for animals. I feel I cannot trust you I'm sorry.

11. People who claim they don't have time for television. Bollocks.

12. Horrid Henry's parents. They clearly favour Peter it really is no wonder he acts out! Neglectful twats.

13. People who stand too close to you in the Queue. If I can feel your breath on my neck you are too close.I now make a point of moving my large bag around and knock into them with it. Sometimes it works, sometimes you just have to accept the fact their breath will be on your neck until you hit the checkout.

14. Goats cheese.

15. People who 'tut' automatically if you walk into a restaurant with kids! It's as if they assume they are about to start screaming under the table and peeing in their soup. If you are in an adults only kind of place then fine, but if  you do this and it's pizza Express you need to chill out.

I could probably go on but feel it's best to leave it there.

Thanks for reading!

Rachel x