Thursday, 9 March 2017

Beyonce uses Paypal. Who Knew!



Dear Bey,

Thanks so much for sending me the $3,182.00 dollars this week. It's 2 days before payday and the dog's been to the vets this month. That's not all that unusual to be honest, you see he has 'allergies' aka he's an awkward T*** and needs a constant diet of pills, wipes and drops. Like a leaky Keith Richards.

It also looks like we need two new tyres on our shit car, I'm not allowed to call it a shit car though - you see my husband works hard. he works very, very hard, and a couple of years ago when a lump sum of money came his way, he was going to get a nice new car. He'd be dreaming about it for ages, but my dream that i'd had since, well that month, was to have two nice holidays that year,
We decided to compromise about it,  like adults, to talk about it rationally and we did. We decided I decided that memories are far more important than a car. So we booked them,
Then the bloody car packed in.

Mr O spent several weeks looking murderously at me, whist  I had to put on such a chipper front that I looked like I was on hallucinogenic drugs. It was exhausting.

Holidays were fab though.

He is a very patient man as you can gather, and he really does deserve a new car soon, but for now the money will be really useful as you can imagine.

Also last April, after 21 years service for the same company  (yes, yes it does sometimes feel like a sentence, or during sales like a zombie apocalypse) we will have undergone huge changes to our premium payments. Compensation we received for working Sundays will be no more, compensation that makes working in retail, on a Sunday somewhat bearable. When all you really want to do is be in a cosy pub eating a roast dinner, after a nice long walk. Or in a play barn, or dozing on the sofa, basically doing anything other than standing behind a till watching someone go bat shit over a 5 p carrier bag charge. Then attempt to cram a king size duvet cover into a Tesco carrier bag.

Actually anything except for a play barn, no one actively chooses to spend Sunday in a play barn do they? Unless someone has booked one for a party, and there's a special place in hell for those kind of people.
Anyway, It's going to mean a significant monetary loss to some, a lot to others especially idiots like me. Idiots who kept putting off, and putting off finishing her degree because there "was a plenty of time" And now there isn't, and that's a bit shit.

Good old Steve though (our Boss) he read the blog when I wrote about all this last year,
I thankfully managed to keep my job cheers Stevey, and if you get to read this one (and due to the company's strict social media policy I'm guessing you will) It looks like Beyonce is sending me $3,182.00 !So that is going to fund me finishing my degree now! So, I'm sure the sleepless nights you've lost worrying about the affects the loss of the premium payment will have on my family are over for you. Hurrah!

If you do feel the need to alleviate any guilt you may be harbouring, then just send some wine, or Percy Pigs. Or, you know, both.

So, back to you Bey. As you can see, this money will make a HUGE difference to our lives and our future so I can't thank you enough for thinking of little old me to send it to.

It's a good job I'm not a hard faced, suspicious individual isn't it! Wondering if you're sending what could be perceived as scamming emails, in an attempt to get some money out of people.

It's a good job I'm not like that, isn't it?

Can't wait to hear back from you. I can see we are going to be good friends! And I didn't think we would, because if I'm being honest I NEVER got the hype about Lemonade.
It's just that for me, if my husband had been shagging around, I'd have punched him in the throat and divorced him. Not spent months writing an album about it, then get myself knocked up.
But hey we're all different. No judgement!

Thanks again Bey, You must need to tighten the purse strings now with twins on the way, so I really do appreciate it.


Rachel x


You're welcome.

2 comments: