Wednesday, 1 June 2016

The 7 rules of Facebook...

So my Mum has a new phone, Yes Liz has finally given in and decided to upgrade from the quite frankly prehistoric Tesco PAYG mobile to a rather snazzy Samsung S3, oh and when I say upgrade I mean that she found my old one lying around when she was snooping  putting the washing away.
She's downloaded Candy Crush, SnapChat WTF? and Facebook.
In the past she only used Facebook once in a blue moon, to check if she looks younger than her old schoolfriends, but now? Now Liz has an app! There is no knowing what she may do, what she might come out with, and quite frankly I'm concerned. So to help her navigate her way through I've given her the lowdown on the 7 rules of Facebook.....

1. Do not be the Facebook friend who always post pictures of EVERY.SINGLE.MEAL

Don't get me wrong I get that every now and then we all have a meal out, or we might cook something that blows our bloody socks off and that is worthy of a picture for sure! Hey I've done that myself. But no-one wants to see pictures of your lunchtime sarnies, your Maccies or your sausage, mash and congealed gravy that looks like something from a bad takeaway menu, no-one, and certainly not EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

2. Do not be the 'Facebook Hun' 

We all have this person on our newsfeed don't we?
"Facebook hun is feeling sad" *Insert crying emoji or sad emoji*

Facebook hun's friends are all "Aww what's up hun" "Is everything ok hun"
Facebook hun can't say over Facebook apparently, she'll inbox you but just wants to express her feeling through emojis on her status. 
F*** off facebook hun.

F*** off Facebook hun..

3. Don't be the tagger

Do not be the one on the newsfeed that has nothing to offer, nothing to contribute except to tag themselves into each and every wonderful thing they're doing, all day, every day,
Sally** s at the Gym feeling 'pumped'
Sally is having a post workout drink at a smoothie bar feeling 'refreshed'
Sally is having steak at an impressive steak house  feeling 'full'
Sally is in her warm cosy bed...

Oh bore off Sally ZZZZZZZZ

4. If you think something is aimed at you, it is.

Following on from Facebook hun is the Facebooker who likes to throw thinly veiled insults but they don't actually have the guts to say it to your face, or tag you in it. 
Instead they post passive aggressive quotes, pictures and statuses to get their point across, and as stated above if you think its aimed at you? It probably is.
We've all done it at some point lets be honest, but life is too short for this shit, so if someones hurt you, done something to annoy you, let you down, then call them on it, talk to them, ask them, please don't do this:

Seriously, don't unless your going to tag your best friend in it and we can all watch this shizz go down.

5. Don't Facebook stalk

Ha! Who am I kidding this is what Facebook was made for! Let's all own up here for a second everyone has Facebooked stalked an ex, an old friend, an ex's new girlfriend or an old college room mate. I've done at least one of these (but not saying which) We all have and if you say you haven't I'm calling bullshit, sorry.
It's natural to be nosy BUT do not accidentally hit the friend request button, do not accidentally 'like' or 'share' one of their bloody pictures, and most importantly do not Facebook stalk when drunk, as all of the above will no doubt happen and it becomes totally awkward and you have to block them, or move countries


6. Do not be the lurker

Do not be the friend on facebook that adds everyone but never likes, never shares, never posts but despite this, knows every single thing everybody else is doing. It's creepy sorry!

7. Post pictures or videos of puppies, kittens and babies just being ridiculously cute.

Everyone loves those, even miserable cows like me

Yes that is Tom Hardy looking beautiful, and a  cute little dog, You're welcome.

Rach x

*Mum doesn't think Mrs D would want to be named on my blog
** Sally is a fictional character and not an actual person on my friends list (shit better check friends list to be sure)

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