Do you ever look at a celebrity and think "We would SO be mates if we met in real life" I do this when we're watching TV all the time, it's like my own version of Gogglebox.
For instance I think Adele and I would get on like a house on fire. She's funny, smart, has a filthy laugh and looks like she'd be up for a few wines and a gossip in the pub. All pretty excellent qualities to have in a friend. She looks like she wouldn't mind that my house is really small, or that the dog was licking his balls and getting hairs all over her posh coat. I mean she must get bored of cocktails and premieres all the time right?
I also think Claudia Winkleman could be friend material, and I like to imagine
This, which is not in the slightest bit crazy OK! Has got me thinking about the TV characters we are supposed to love, but would actually make rubbish friends in real life. Here's mine;
1. Carrie Bradshaw: Sex and The City
I used to love Sex and The City, it helped me through my early
Twenties and it still feels like an old friend when it pop up on TV now. I loved the clothes, the friendships and the brutal honesty about sex and relationships. Oh and of course the shoes BUT (and I always felt this was something that I should never actually say out loud) Carrie was always my least favourite character, and I think she makes a pretty crap friend.
Firstly everything is material for that column of hers in the paper, I'd be panicked about getting pissed with her in case any of my drunken ramblings ended up in print. Also every single conversation always has to be about her:
Friends wedding "I'm cheating on my boyfriend so let's spend our friends special day discussing that"
Friend celebrates engagement "I got dumped by post it note waaah waah wah lets discuss that"
Friend calls for help "I'm too busy going to Vogue today I'll send my boyfriend you hardly know to help pick your naked body off the floor"
Friends struggling breastfeeding "I can't look at you I'm uncomfortable"
I think the best example of her sheer audacity was when she wanted to buy her apartment but couldn't (mainly because she'd wasted all her money on clothes, cosmos and shoes) and gets angry at Charlotte for not offering to lend her the cash. Get over yourself Carrie!
She always used to ring to talk (about herself obviously) at odd times of night, waking people up. I often wondered why nobody ever told her to bugger off and call back in the morning.
Entitled, self obsessed, scared of mice and crap with money*
Carrie Bradshaw makes your average Disney Princess look like Katniss Everdeen.
*May have just described myself
2 Lori The Walking Dead
Am I the only one who was actually pleased when Lori met her gory end in the show?Not only is her moral judgement way off she is also a pretty inept parent. You'd think during a zombie apocalypse your main concern would be knowing where your young son is at all times! That the welfare of your husband and child would be paramount wouldn't you? Nope not for Lori!
The world has changed beyond recognition, instead of doing the school run you are now being hunted by flesh eating zombies, your husband has been shot and is lying in a hospital bed in a coma. What do you do? You start shagging your husbands
Didn't take her long to move on did it? It's taken me longer to get over finishing a good book. She doesn't even leave a note at Ricks bedside to let him know whats happening, I mean anything would have sufficed.
Just to let you know the world has been taken over by Zombies!Seriously LOL!
I am OK, Shane is helping me, he's been so good. We are leaving the city though as Shane thinks it will be safer.
Just wanted to let you know that I had to lock Mr Beeterman in the cellar so be careful if you go down there, and can you make sure you feed the cat?
Carl says Hi.
Then when poor Rick does turn up she gets mad at the boyfriend for taking it badly. She gets knocked up by one of them, but which one she's not entirely sure, and then spends most of her time asking people to "Keep an eye on Carl" as she wanders around doing nothing to actually help, just looking forlorn and playing with her hair.
If I was left in a Zombie apocalypse with a choice between Lori as my friend or a flesh eating Zombie? I'd pick the Zombie, every single time.
Lori, the Wife and Mother you don't want in a Zombie apocalypse
3. Dawson from Dawson's Creek.
How Joey put up with his shit for so long is beyond me, let's be clear I was always Team Pacey, in fact it baffles me why it took Joey until season 3 to fall for him.
Dawson was a spoilt, self centred brat who only ever talked about himself, his parents relationship -his fixation on this was always a bit odd to be honest, or the movies.
He became obsessed with newcomer Jen, and then dumped her when he found out she wasn't a Virgin. Classy Dawson, classy.
He wanted Joey, then he didn't want Joey. He wants Joey to move on and asks Pacey to look out for her, mainly so he can mess around on speedboats with tall blonde girls that used to be in Sweet Valley High, hypocrite.
Then when poor Joey falls for the guy that loves her, and looks after her? Dawson goes full on cray cray.
Oh boo-hoo hoo something isn't about me
Wouldn't be adding him on Facebook if he grew up across the creek from me that's for sure.
4. Meredith Grey from Greys Anatomy.
I would genuinely be afraid for my life if she and I were to be friends, everyone around her either dies or ends up involved in some sort of disaster; such as ferry crashes, plane crashes and hospital shoot outs. It frankly isn't plausible for her to of escaped that many disasters, even on TV.
She starts of as an Intern determined not to be like anything like her Mother who was an emotionally damaged woman. Then spends the next 11 seasons swinging between being nothing like her Mother, and being exactly like her Mother.
Always going on about her issues,and her troubled past, and how damaged she is because of her Mother/Father/Richard and over analyzes everything, continuously falls out with various family members that seem to pop up, quite honestly It would be draining!
She also claims her Mother was a terrible parent and she never saw her, un-yet she has 3 kids that she only seems to remember about once a season. The hospital must have an amazing and understanding creche as she manages to go straight to the bar after a 14 shift in the hospital, and they always manage to have the children overnight due to her being involved in yet ANOTHER disaster. I hope they get overtime?
Never stays in touch with 'her people' Christina or Izzy.
We'd be passing acquaintances nothing more, she's definitely not my kind of people. I couldn't go up and give her a welcoming hug for fear she'd poke me in the eye with her stethoscope.On purpose.
5. Ross from Friends
No you weren't "On a break"you complete tosser! You go and shag the girl from the photocopying place five whole seconds after a row with Rachel, you know the girl you've been in love with since high school? That has always got on my nerves, especially when he tries to cover it up.
I always felt Ross thought he was superior to the others, he was an awful brother, always lording the fact that he was the parents favourite over Monica. He bangs on about bloody dinosaurs and how clever he is all the time. He's needy, weak, prone to emotional outburst and sleeps with one of is students. He gets married all the time, cons Rachel into thinking they're divorced when they're not, hates it when she gets a new job, hates her dating whilst pregnant, hates her dating Joey, hates her hiring a male nanny. Ross doesn't really have any redeeming features at all,
In fact Ross you're a bit of a bastard and I would so phase you out if we were in the same circle of friends.
There are many, many more such as
Norman price, Fireman Sam - gets into trouble all the time, literally sets fire to something every week, attention seeking probably.
Miranda, Miranda - Meh
Lady Mary, Downton. - Entitled, cold hearted, sharp tounged.
Trixie, Call the Midwife - Too chirpy like she's swallowed a canary.
However if my imaginary TV friends Adele, Tom Hardy, Claudia Winkleman do happen to stumble across my blog one day and think "Hell yes we could get on her" and you fancy a wine, would not care about my small house or crotch sniffing dog, then don't forget you can follow me on Facebook or Twitter.
Tom check out my Instagram first, the pics are better filtered.
*All pictures taken from google please don't sue me